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Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Tooday I Startd Homskooling

August 20 is a day that will live in infamy.

Ok, that might be a bit dramatic, but I will say that today is the day I started doing the thing I told God I'd "never" do.

Today I started homeschooling my oldest child, simultaneously entering the worlds of "no-time-for-myself" and "where-are-my-denim-coolots-when-i-need-them." (Said no one, ever)

It's a funny thing - I have always been a huge proponent of homeschooling; I just never thought I'd actually do it. I was taught at home by my awesome mother from third grade through seventh, and it was a fabulous experience. I learned a ton, I had free time and an escape from busy work, and I developed a tight-knit relationship with my mother. She was so good at homeschooling, in fact, that I think part of the reason I thought I'd never do it is because I can't measure up to her. It's impossible.

And now, here I am.

God's funny with these ultimatums we give Him, isn't he? Suffice it to say, I will never say "never" to God again, except to say that I will NEVER be extremely rich and fabulously thin without trying (thanks to my friend, Kim Casey, for that little nugget of hilarity).

And today, after I dropped my boys off for their first day of preschool, I found myself at home with my kindergartener, facing off at the kitchen table. She sat on one side, I on the other, and she stared at me with excitement and a zeal to learn something.

It was then, I think, that I fully realized that I had to teach something. Anything.

Then it hit me. All those years ago in my own life, when I was in my daughter's place and was staring at my mother with excitement and awe and a you-can-do-no-wrong respect, she was quaking in her white homeschool-mom tennis shoes. I thought she knew everything. She thought she knew nothing.

So she did what any warm-blooded homeschool mom would do in her situation, the very same thing I did today.

She faked it.

She faked having it all together. She faked the laid-back-mom routine. She faked confidence.

And she taught me. Oh, she taught me well.

I think, if I were to ask her, that after time passed by, she started to gain a confidence in the calling God had placed on her as a mother and a teacher. But in the beginning, she was scared blank-less (this is a G-rated blog, but you know what I'm saying).

And so, today at around 10:00am, I found myself in her shoes. I swallowed. I prayed. And then I dove in.

Now, I know that my daughter is only in kindergarten, okay? I know that kindergarten is easy. But I just want you to know that I gave that kindergartener the business when it came to her day-one lesson. I showed that teacher's-guide who was boss. I taught like no one has ever been taught before.

Then, at the end of our first day of school, she said, "Mom, I already know all that stuff. I don't know why you're telling me again."


In all seriousness, I am entering a season of my life when I know I will need the equipping and guiding of the Holy Spirit like never before. I so badly want to not screw my kid up. I so badly want to model for her by example what it means to be a godly woman. I so want to make sure I teach her to use proper grammar, because let's face it, there is nothing more annoying than bad grammar.

I want the Lord to use me in spite of me to lead my daughter into a walk that is closer with Him.

I find great comfort in Romans 8:26-28:

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God's people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in ALL things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

I know this verse can be dissected in so many ways, and interpreted in many as well. For me, though, today, I am holding fast to the knowledge that the Holy Spirit helps me in my weakness. The Spirit intercedes for me in accordance with God's will. God works ALL things for the good of those who love him and whom he has called.

I know that he has called me to this.

So I trust him today. And tomorrow, when my heart rate rises and I stare my daughter down once again, I will trust him once more. And the day after that. And the day after that. get the idea.

I will leave you today with three things I realized today as a homeschool mom:

1. I really need to order some of those cool ankle-length denim skirts.

2. I really need to get a 12-passenger van.
3. I really need to cut off our cable TV.

Okay, these were tongue-in-cheek, but that last one might not be such a bad idea...

Feel free to laugh!